its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
