She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
