I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize