Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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