yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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