there was a trapeze. enough said
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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