Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
