sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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