Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
