is your mom at the bar?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
