Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She said her name was "party"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
