don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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