Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
