dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
