you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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