How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
