i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just blew my weed a kiss
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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