The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize