well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
