it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
