she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
