Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
