i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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