i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
