Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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