I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
