if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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