Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
