i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
not ubering you a puppy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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