I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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