i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
