apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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