there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
