I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
