I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Terrible idea I love it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
