Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
