I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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