we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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