i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
