Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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