Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
