These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
