So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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