I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
