He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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