Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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