dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
