There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
