puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
