Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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