Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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