so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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