Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
