Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
