Nicole vs. Life
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize