I smell stomach acid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
