He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
