dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
