Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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