yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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