I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
