Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
