believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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