respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
