Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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