is wine microwaveable?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
