just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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