I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
